i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize