Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
