So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
