put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
