my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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