So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
