Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
