it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
