I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I looked at my own cervix.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
