I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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