the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
