just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
