i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
