if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
