i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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