once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize