Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
