we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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