this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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