i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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