Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Bring me that man meat
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
