I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Did I show you my penis last night?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize