Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
