Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My ATM looks so different sober.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize