Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm bleeding and have questions
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
