Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
