When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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