Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
