Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
