and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
my liver is dry heaving
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
