No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
