I think I died a long time ago.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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