Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
