I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
