toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
