I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
