You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
