I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my shit smells like andre
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
