Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
