you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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