I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
