I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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