I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize