It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I wish there were birth control emojis
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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