how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
