I bet he comes in French.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
