just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My dick has a subreddit
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
