Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
