Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He felt like a one man threesome
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
