The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
