you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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