fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
