i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
