I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't deserve a penis
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
