Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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