yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize