So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
