i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
