I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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