You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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