I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
