is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I love you. Go after that dick
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
