The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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