Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
