why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
