So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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