Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
