Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
