I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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