ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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