Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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