we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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