I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
