Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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