maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
