I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
