its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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