So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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