If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
