Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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