Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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