my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize