I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I could fuck to npr.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
