That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
