I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
