I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
