wake up i wanna do it froggy style
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
