i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I will pee on everything he values.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
