I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
