So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
